Thursday 10 September 2015

A 2 month catch up...injury, ITU World Champs & Kona in tasting distance

 Wow it has been a LONG time since I last blogged and I have missed out SO much! The only excuse I can give, which I think is a valid one, is that for those who do not know I have a book publisher (yes someone is mad enough to actually print my babble). Therefore, when I have been writing, which I am finding increasingly difficult, I am trying to actually piece my book together. The deadline to finish my book is the end of October, so considering how late I always leave things, now I am getting a little frantic. However, I have taken the time out from freaking out and training to fill you in.

 A HUGE topic and achievement I seemed to have glazed completely over and for some reason not blogged about is my efforts in Sweden where I again proudly competed for GB at the World Long Distance Championships. This event was just 4 weeks after Ironman Lanzarote. Agreeing and paying to go was a big commitment as last year it took me 8 weeks to recover from IM Lanzarote and I even had to pull out of a half Ironman 4 weeks after because of it. I was adamant however that this year would be different. I was much fitter and in a better state. This was a true statement and I was feeling great after the Ironman. I was on a high for a while and although did struggle to get back into training as many do after your main race has ended (commonly referred to as post race depression) I was looking forward to competing again. On my final week before traveling to Sweden however, disaster struck. Bella Bayliss, my coach, had given me 3 x 40km Time Trials (TT) on a favourite flat of mine in Lanzarote with some rest inbetween. I hammered the first 40km with Nathan and Lucy (the pocket rocket and a great friend of mine) getting a beep on my Garmin when I had recorded my 'fastest 40k'. We took our next bit easy before picking the pace up again. During the easy phase however an old knee injury just began to resurface. It was a slow dull ache at first so I pushed through then a mere 5km into the TT it was excruciating. Despite my stubborness I had to pull off and head home. Every revolution on my left leg was horrible and I ended up riding home with my right leg, putting no pressure on my left. I was angry and this caused the tears to form "Please not now" I kept muttering to myself. I didn't get much better throughout my final few days and running was even worse. I decided to change my flight so I came back earlier to the UK so I could get a prolotherapy injection, a course of therapy that had helped my knee before, with a sports surgeon at London Bridge Hospital. This is a dextrose solution that is injected into the area of pain which provokes a regenerative tissue response, in affect the same process as PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) where they withdraw your blood cultivate it and then inject it back in, this is just a made substitute. This is normally done over a course of 3 weeks with 3 injections so whether one would help I had no idea but it was a quick solution to what could be a serious problem. There were a series of chats with Bella during this time where she questioned why I was adamant on competing as the potential damage I could do may jeopardise Kona. If Bella didn't know by then she soon found out how stubborn and head strong I really am. Although I was promising to be honest with myself I kind of knew I was going to compete regardless, I wanted that medal to add to the collection.
 I traveled out to Motala in Sweden with my good friend Aled (a phenomenal young Kona qualifying athlete) and my Welsh Tenby Aces clan including the lovely Nicola and her husband Carlt. As well as that there was Dave another speedy athlete who was also going to Kona, Heather another speed machine and Dr Hiro who was representing Japan. I was so grateful for them letting me join them. I met Nicola when I first trained for Ironman Wales and stayed in the hotel she manages in Tenby. After Wales 2013 when we lost Rosie Nicola, as a lead role in the Tenby Aces triathlon club, made me an honourary member. It was this support that helped over what was a horrific time. We all stayed in a picturesque cottage in the middle of the Swedish countryside and throughout the week we had a great laugh so much so we almost forgot we were there to race!

Our cottage for the week
Not a bad place to be
The GB Tenby Aces gang
 Race day came quick and due to the temperature the 4k swim was reduced to a measly 1500m. This wasn't good news for me, not that I expected to be particularly competitive at the World Championships given the calibre of athletes in my age group anyway especially with my knee injury.
Racking my beauty in transition
My swim time of 27 minutes wasn't anything amazing due to some bad sighting as I was wrongly instructed where to go by a marshal. The bike was 120km split into 3 laps of 40km (you can see why Bella had given me 3 x 40km TT the week before). I absolutely hammered the first lap - hitting an average of 40km an hour - a flat course was completely new to me and I loved racing past my other competitors. I was smiling the whole lap with not too much knee pain even if it was niggling a little. Then on the second lap my knee kept getting worse and worse. I came off the gas and reduced my average speed. I rolled into transition in 3h37 - not too bad at all considering. I knew however that I should pull out - my knee was only going to get worse on the 30km run but while my head told me yes, my heart said no and before I knew it I was out on the HOT run course. This consisted of 3 x 10km's which is a format I normally like but this was a dire affair. The pain was excruciating and I had no idea after 5km how I would complete. After the first lap I knew again I should pull out and even agreed with another competitor I was going to but as they went left to end their race I pulled right to continue onto my second lap...whoops. I wanted my parents so badly, normally gaining some strength from their support in my big races. I had to rely on painkillers the whole way round, not that I felt the benefit. I finished the run in a shocking 3h30 (nearly as long as my bike!). I found Aled had just missed out on a podium so realised we wouldn't be staying for the award ceremony. I just wanted to get my kit and get back. As I picked up my bag I found my phone to contact the others who had long since finished. I then got a text from my Dad saying "Well done on your third place". WHAT?! My immediate thought was there's been a mistake so I called for them to check whether it was right. It sure was and when I caught up with the gang it was clear we were staying for the awards to claim my podium slot. Wow - an unexpected podium at the World Long Distance Championships - is this really my life? How did the kid who avoided the majority of solo sport - particularly running end up here? I felt I didn't deserve it considering my time but you can only race who is there and my bimble was somehow enough. It was a fantastic and surreal feeling being on that stage. The days after consisted of some chill out days in the beautiful calm Sweden with the Tenby gang and my great friend Amy Kilpin, who had a pretty good result herself during the race. We searched for alcohol (something that we found is hard to come by in Sweden with their laws) ate pizza, had a BBQ and pedaloed around the stunning lakes (if I hadn't lost my phone I could've uploaded some pictures of those lovely days). Aside from medals and results this is what racing around the world is really for - to see new places I probably never would and have fun with friends. Before long however, it was time to head back to Lanzarote.
Wow - a bronze in the 20-24 Age group at the Long Distance World Championships
 However, I didn't spend long in Lanzarote. After spending 2 days in the UK talking to various people it was decided I would have 3-4 weeks off for rehab in the UK. It was a hard decision but for the right reasons in the hope that it would help my chances of a pain free race in Kona. The lack of training worried me but I had had a hard couple of years which always involved a race to train for, something that is mentally and physically tiring. This rest could help me more and I had enough endurance training within me for my fitness to come back quickly enough. The time at home with my parents and family was lovely and I got into the way of life in the UK again, even if most of my days were spent watching my favourite show 'Come Dine With Me'. After a month I returned back to Lanzarote where I had left Nathan. I missed him dearly and as you can imagine there was a 'Love Actually' airport greeting upon my arrival. I then spent a further week on holiday with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew down on the other side of the island. It was a lovely trip and so nice to get even closer to my brother and his family.
 Getting back into training after my time off was hard and I doubted whether the time off was actually a hindrance. However, after some words from Bella and others I knew I just had to keep pushing through - it was going to hurt and I couldn't expect to just pick up where I left of. Soon enough I was back on form and had heavy training weeks including half marathons on the treadmill and 5 hour bike rides. Hollie was back and I was loving it! I was nailing my nutrition, losing weight and not drinking (an amazing feat for me).

 Just as my training was going amazingly the anniversary of Rosie's death hit. The Friday before the date I gave up my 10 sober days and had a drink. (Drinking had always shamefully been a comfort thing to me in the UK and with my love of good wine instilled by my Dad I went to it a lot. In the first 8 months of losing Rose I can't think of a night I did not have a drink, unless I was working, and that doesn't just mean a glass of wine). The evening turned from a beautiful one to an absolute meltdown on my behalf. I ended up sobbing on the beach, and by sobbing I mean the type where you can't breathe, almost like a toddlers tantrum. I was hitting things in anger at the injustice I still feel that I will never see Rosie again. Nathan obviously alongside me just held me and let me do what I needed but just trying to stop me from harming myself. When he then followed me into the sea I knew I had the support I needed and knew what I was doing was unfair, it's not nice to see your loved one in so much mental pain and feeling completely useless. However, grief is all consuming, tiring and to some extent extremely selfish. I am lucky however to have the friends around me who, although may not understand, are there for me. It took me the next few days to realise that. Nathan didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do and Bella said to look after myself first. I didn't want to see anyone and blocked myself off like I used to do, so much so I didn't go out on the group ride on Sunday - preferring to go out on my own. I then watched Nathan play cricket and surrounded myself with the friends I have made there which cheered me up. It made me smile at the life Nathan and I have made for ourselves on this island.
 The day before the 2 year anniversary I was replaying what I would've been doing 2 years previous. On the 8th September, the day we lost Rosie, I wanted to do something, get away and keep myself occupied. Nathan completely understood and we ended up driving the island in search of new vineyards and then exploring parts of the island we didn't know of. We scrambled up a massive volcano where I wrote 'Rose' in stones at the top (it took all my concentration to get back down in one piece fearing I would slip down). We then walked inside a volcano and finished the evening off by wild camping in a remote part of the island. We had a BBQ and a few drinks in Rosie's memory. My Dad instructed me to have a 'smiley day' and remember the memories we have as opposed to the resentment I feel that she is no longer with us. I have an obsession with stars and we couldn't have picked a more perfect spot. The sky was so clear we could see the Milky Way and the amount of stars was truly breathtaking. It was a magical night and Rosie was there with us in my heart and from the pink sky that engulfed us when we arrived made me believe she was watching too.

Our view from the tent
Our home for the night
Chef Nathan doing his duties
Rose was there with us
 Life will never get any easier without Rosie. She has left a mark that can never be removed or replaced and when she left everything changed. She has left a hole no-one can fill. I am reminded everyday she is gone but I can only hope from what I am doing to keep her legacy alive is not only helping myself but making her proud. I also want to say a huge thank you to all the generous donations I have received over the last few weeks, it is so appreciated. I am after all also on this mission to raise money for SUDEP Action to hopefully save lives and spare another family the pain me and my family have been through. It is a pain you would not wish on your worst enemy. I hate asking for money but if you haven't donated and can spare anything please click on my Justgiving link above and donate, I really have pushed so hard to get to where I am now.
 So, I leave for Kona in 13 days now and I am beyond excited. I still can't quite believe I have made it there - it really is the impossible dream and one I am going to live to the fullest. It's my once in a lifetime opportunity and it's been a journey Rosie has taken me on. Expect the tears in Kona! Before I get there however I have another race...the Ironman 70.3 in Lanzarote on the 19th September. I had aimed previously to be competitive in this race and even though I know the course so well as it's my training ground I really have no idea how I will fare here considering my time off and injury. However, one thing that is for sure is that I am a green eyed monster when you put me in race conditions and I have one of the strongest and determined heads there is - so watch out!

Rosie and I as children
Rose and I at school together